state of the union address

Haha… like I’m gonna talk politics up on this piece. I just want to give a little summary of my non-smoking experience so far. Here’s a day 10 snap shot:

  1. For starters, food tastes like it’s never tasted before. Everything is so delicious. I can’t really explain it to someone who has never been a smoker. It is like when the people who had always watched the Wizard of Oz on black and white televisions finally got to see it in its technicolor glory. (Not that I was alive then, but I read things.) I’m having a little anxiety about this. Like I said last time I quit smoking I gained 10lbs. The improved taste of food has made it pretty challenging to stop eating when you are full. I find this is worse when I eat like a smoker: Drink coffee all day and have a large meal late in the day. When I do finally have that meal I go crazy. I’m noticing that I feel a lot better when I have breakfast and snack all day. Then I don’t go nuts at about 7pm.
  2. It’s gotten a little better, but you kinda want to put something in your mouth 24/7. My sister and I have filled our apartment with some pretty wholesome snacks which has made it a little easier. A few suggestions: Planters’ Heart Healthy Mix – Little ToGo packages of peanuts, almonds, pistachios, pecans, walnuts and hazelnuts. Wheatables Nut Crips – Amazaballs! A treat for your mouth. Run, don’t walk, to your nearest grocer and buy a box. String Cheese: It takes forever to eat, so it really helps with that tactile deprivation. Baby Carrots: I really wish that I had taken some time to have tons of fresh cut vegetables on hand 24/7, but baby carrots are the next best thing. They’re ready to go as soon as you leave the grocery store. Sweet tooth: I’ve been really trying to stay away from things like this and I am craving more salty foods than sweet, but here’s a few reasonable sweet treats: good & plentys and licorice. A pretty low fat candy. (Again, not a scientist but if you must, licorice is a pretty good option.) Also: Try some fruit. I’ve been carrying green apples around with me.
  3. I can smell everything better: I’m not so sure how I feel about this. The world in all it’s glory doesn’t always smell good. It’s a little annoying. For example: A) Some people really stink. B) I use latex gloves to clean the bar sink at work. Hours afterward I smell that powder on my hands even after I have washed them several times. C) I smell smokers.
  4. I’ve hit the half hour mark at running. I am increasing my speed each time. I seriously never thought I’d be able to do that. I’m still pretty anxious about these “fitness/I-am-probably-going-embarrass-myself-horribly” events. How will things be on real terrain? According to the treadmill it takes me about 30 minutes to go 2 miles. I haven’t figured out the exact math, but that means it’ll take me about 45min to do a 5K. No? Anywho, I’m getting myself a two week reward of that Nike Chip that you can put in your shoe and iPod. ($29.99 at Target. I was quoted earlier that it was fifty clams.) It is supposedly pretty accurate. So we’ll see. I just have to find out if I can use the chip in my ASICS tennis shoes. That’d suck. I am not buying another pair of tennis shoes.
  5. I am still pretty angry. The road rage issue is not getting any better. This has me pretty worried. I really hope that my personality won’t change based on the fact that I’m not smoking. The good news: It’s affected my sis as well. (Wait, what?) The good news is this: We haven’t killed each other. I could see the headlines now: “Ohio Sisters Quit Smoking to Live Longer end up Killing Each Other.”
  6. The cravings have subsided. It’s weird to describe the cravings. It’s not like I want a cigarette. Because I don’t. I just don’t want to feel the way that I am when I have this feeling. In addition to the anxiety of “now what am I going to do”, I can really feel it in my arms. Why my arms? Bizarre. Anywho, when I feel like this, I try to shake it out. Kinda like how Josie and Billy have their three and four year old shake out the sillies before bed time.
  7. I’m already slowly reducing my nicotine gum. It’s gone from about four pieces to two. Not bad. I’m not really too concerned about it. If I chew nicotine gum until I die, it’ll still be ten times better for me than smoking. The only other thing that I have to say in this regard is that my mouth is totally raw. With all this munching, gum chewing and straw chewing, I have developed a canker sore. It’s gross, painful and, of course, super hot. My sister has one, too. I’m just mentioning it because smokers that are thinking about making the step to non-smoker should know about it. Get yourself some Anbesol.
  8. I’m feeling a little down about a few things. As briefly mentioned before, I failed my graduate review in school. I FAILED it. I can’t remember the last time I failed anything. I don’t really completely understand it. I don’t understand the purpose of it. I am receiving A’s and B’s in my classes. A far cry from failing. It’s like the institution, who shall at this point remain nameless, doesn’t trust their own professors to give a valid evaluation of a students work. So if you fail, you have to review again. If you fail again you have to either take more classes or take a year long absence from the program. (I personally think it’s a money making scheme for the school.) I have one class left after this quarter. How convenient for them to recommend more classes. So beyond the pain in the ass and the extra work that will be a result of failing this review — I have lost all interest in my current classes, my skill and the field in general. It sounds wussy, but this is probably the ten millionth time that I have fought and lost in regards to my career. Quit bullying me already! You can have my lunch money! Not to mention, I went into this review feeling really good about everything. I had really great positive reinforcement from my teachers and only submitted A projects. So this blind sighted me. Kinda similar to the situation with that boy who left me yet another message about his stupid CDs. I’m not mentioning all these things to be a debbie-downer, but these things are obviously effecting my psyche. (A little overwhelmed today, I almost welled up on the treadmill! On the freaking treadmill! Who cries on the freaking treadmill? Aren’t your endorphins be massed produced at this moment in time?) The reason why all of this is important is that usually I’d be chain smoking through these upsets. In a really bad way. I can’t believe these things haven’t pushed me to it yet. Despite the urge to throw myself on the ground and drown myself in a tear filled kiddie pool, I’m pretty proud of myself. So that’s a good sign.

So there you have it. That’s ten days. Only 355 more to go. And while tricking myself in my worst moments by saying “You can smoke in a little less than a year”, I’m already thinking I won’t want to.


Mr. HSIBL (Again: Handsome, Sweet, Irish, Blue-Eyed, Lacrosse Player) told my friend Billy that he hearts me today. I better get this hatin’ out of my system.


1 Response to “state of the union address”

  1. 1 marley beans January 30, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    3C is probably the worse! The smell of smoke on someone else now sends shivers down my spine and makes me insides tighten up and get retchy! EEEWWW.

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January 2010
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