Forseeable Obstacles

Granted I never really need a reason to smoke, but there a definitely some things that trigger it. Here’s what we’re looking at so far:

  1. Partners in Crime (Affiliates that smoke)
    I can hear an uproar in the village. But this totally makes quitting tricky: The friends you smoke with. Not that they are by any means the reason that I smoke, because I can blaze through an entire pack by my lonesome, but it is a little bit like a gang. I’m just as detrimental to my ex-smoker friends as my smoking friends will be to me. For whatever asinine reason I do get a kick out of when my bestie Josie has the occasional cigarette with me. It’s like we’re back in high-school cutting class or something. It’s kind of like a bonding thing. “Come have a smoke with me” = “come chill out with me”, “come be bad with me” or “rebel with me”. I dunno. It’s hard to explain. FYI to all of my friends that will continue to smoke without me: I DON’T WANT OUT OF THE GANG! I love being apart of the smoker’s gang! If the smoker’s gang were a political party, I’d run for president! I just don’t want to smoke anymore. I have no idea how I’m going to deal with this. Any advice would be well appreciated.
    P.S. Not hanging out with the gang is not an option.
  2. I’m a freaking bartender
    Oh yeah, I forgot this little detail. Thankfully you can’t smoke in bars these days, but you certainly can smoke out back. The occupational environment really isn’t conducive to smoking cessation. Bar tending sure is great money, but there is definitely a lot of pressuring that goes on in those places. Having customers offering to buy you drinks every time you work can certainly wear on you.
  3. Camel’s Cousins
    Miller Light and Cabernet. If cigarettes were my BFFs, then those two would be their understudy. Nothing goes better with an ice cold beer than a cigarette. I’m going to have to switch up my choice of spirits. Gin and tonics, here I come!!! I promise only to sip you, though, my long lost friend. (I am not allowed, per my sister — per my own self sanctioned rules — to drink gin and tonics. I turn into Linda Blair from the Exorcist.) However: New rule —I am thirty. I can sip on my Bombay Sapphire and be a lady. Either that, or I’ll have to throw the baby out with the bath water and quit drinking for a year as well…  Hahaha… ya see what I did there? I made a funny. Again suggestions welcome.
  4. The After-Dinner Smoke
    HOW WILL I KNOW THAT THE MEAL HAS COMMENCED IF I DON’T HAVE THE “AFTER DINNER CIGARETTE”???? Will I just keep eating??? Will I end up like the fatty in Willi Wonka and the Chocolate Factory who falls into the lake of chocolate? How will I know when to stop!!! Will I just keep shoveling my ma’s mash potatoes down the hatch like they’re going out of style? Will people whisper “Jabba the Hut” when I walk by them? Will my exes have a tribunal where they laugh about how my nick-name was chuck wagon as a kid??? Oh, the panic. Seriously, even thinking about this brings on some serious anxiety. I make jokes, cause that’s what I do, but at this very moment I really don’t know what I’m thinking even contemplating quitting smoking.
  5. Unforeseeable Moments of Panic/Stress
    I don’t really know what these are, but I have often wondered what non-smokers do when their cars break down. How do they relieve that moment of pure frustration? I don’t really know what this could be, but I figured I’d mention it. How will I deal with major up-sets?

I feel like I’m forgetting something. Nonetheless, if anyone has any suggestions on how to deal with any of these obstacles. I’d greatly appreciated it.

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