Combative Measures

I once wrote a poem on how I felt about cigarettes for my creative writing class in college. It was very melodramatic and talked about how they were like a twenty pack of BFFs. Something along the lines of how there were always there for me or something. What a weenie I was then.

I really despise that I smoke. It’s so last season.

Here are a list of combative measures that I will be taking:

  1. Clearly this blog
    I wonder if I’ll make medical journal history. Time Magazine: “Ohioan Woman Blogs her way through Nicotine Addiction”. LOL. It’ll be epic.
  2. Nicorette
    I have used this before. I like it. It’s pretty effective in calming your nerves. I kind like the tingly. But I’m a little weird like that. Now for those of you who have never used it make sure you read the directions. You can’t just chew it. There’s a little more involved. You have to chew, pack, chew, pack… like I said read the directions. My Uncle Danny quit smoking after a gazillion years using the gum. Of course, he became addicted to the gum and had to ween himself off that, but hey, it’s better than smoking. Plus, when’s the last time you burned a whole in your favorite sweater because you dropped your gum? Knowing me, I will probably get it tangled in my hair, but I survived some horrible hair cuts in the past, so I think it’ll be okay.
  3. Straws
    Gotta have something to with my hands. And with my mouth. (Insert sekks innuendo here.) You gotta have it. At least for the first couple of days.
  4. Fiber Pills
    You ex-smokers know why.
  5. Marla’s Sweet Ass Mittens
    It’s snowing and freezing in Ohio right now. My buddy Marla made me some pretty sweet ass mittens for my birthday. Ever tried to smoke while wearing mittens? Perhaps I should just duct tape my fingers together for the first six months. That might work. Well see.
  6. Working Out
    Increases your endorphins, no? Just like cigarettes.
  7. Breathing
    People forget how calming deep breathing can be. Next time you’re in a heated moment. Try it. I works pretty well. When I quit smoking via hypnosis it was a really helpful tool.
  8. A rewards plan
    That’s right the first day I make it through without smoking, I’m going to go hog wild!!! Perhaps I’ll go to a rave! Party allllll night long!!! Wait… that would defeat the point. If I went to a rave on the first day I successfully did not have a cigarette, I would mos def light-up. (Techno music makes me want to choke someone out.) I’ve always wanted a pony… maybe… So the rewards plan needs some work. But I’ll figure it out. I do really, really, really want a puppy… However, I don’t think that’s a valid first day reward nor would it be fair to make a puppy live with my sister and I. Maybe January 17th, 2011…

That’s it. There will be a Maltese puppy under one arm and a carton of Camels under the other. Hand-in-hand.

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