Trainer Matt

So trainer Matt was actually really nice. He didn’t make me drink muscle milk, smell like broccoli or corner me into some lavish personal training plan. Which I am actually still contemplating. I really do need someone to boss me.

Make a mental note: Don’t drink an entire bottle of cabernet the night before you’re up close and personal with a personal trainer. Trainer Matt probably wasn’t expecting Eddie Vedder in his gym this morning. It was pretty rough. I was a hot mess. My hair was a disaster, I was wearing yesterday’s make-up and my right eye was twitching. He handed me a ten pound weight and asked me if it was too heavy…. “No problem,” I said.

Seconds later I was yelling at poor trainer Matt: “You didn’t tell me we were going to do lunges with these things!”

All-in-all it was a pretty great experience. Trainer Matt worked the sh**t out of my core. I was throwing medicine balls at the ceiling while sitting on one of those giant whatever you call them balls, holding push-up poses that made me scream, “Matt, why are you sooo mean to me!?!?!?” and swinging weights over my head like a mad woman. One day soon I’ll be able to stand on a yoga ball just like my friend Billy. Of course if I keep at it. Tomorrow my body will be like a bowl of spaghetti.

Tomorrow I am supposed to make my dreaded return to step aerobics with my other best friend Joann. I hate step aerobics. I have a really hard time following all of the different steps. When line-dancing songs are played at weddings, I immediately flee the dance floor. When forced into such horrendous public display of physical expression (most often by my sister), it’s quite the scene. Despite the lack of ability to follow the simple directions in the song, I somehow always manage to do the exact opposite that everyone else is doing while my arms flail around like I’m drowning. Step aerobics turns that up a notch by adding sweat and a beet red face to the party. So I have that to look forward to.

Like I said Trainer Matt was super nice. He offered to show Joann and I some group exercises that we can do to strengthen our core together. Sounds interesting. Trainer Matt was a little intriguing. His legs were more tan and probably had a much smoother shave than mine. That’s gotta be weird. Never been down that road with a dude. He’d actually be pretty hot if he wasn’t so pretty. Oh, he does have a pair of baby blues to stare at. While looking up at him I found myself strangely adoring his well crafted hair. How does he get it to go so many different directions at the same time? It really must be a feat. Too bad I can’t date guys that are prettier than me. Too bad I have sworn them off for forever anyways. (And this time I mean it.)

I am going to miss my cigarettes.

Why won’t my eye stop twitching?

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2 Responses to “Trainer Matt”


  1. 1 Mireya September 18, 2014 at 11:25 pm

    I am really grateful to the holder of this web site who has
    shared this enormous piece of writing at at this place.


  1. 1 step class « Zero Cigarettes for 365 days Trackback on February 3, 2010 at 7:37 pm

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