a few business items

You should all also know that I also currently going through a wee bit of a mini somewhat break-up. I call it that because while I may have thought very differently the last four months, we were really pseudo-dating. While there were definitely some red flags along the way, but here’s the sum of it:

ME: I’m dating someone new whom I have a great time with and really like.
MR. PINK (we’ll call him that because he’s nice and flaky like a thirteen-year-old girl): I’m banging someone new.

I know that sounds pretty harsh, but that is seriously the best way for me to look at it at this current place in time. I’m at a loss for words on this one. I have dated several guys that were detrimentally wrong, and I knew it. Some of those guys were so obviously such two-holes (a fancy term for a-hole) that they might as well have been wearing a t-shirt to declare it. Nonetheless, I don’t blame them because they made it clear to me. I pretty much knew what I was getting myself into. At thirty, I considered myself a pretty good judge of character, even if I chose to ignore my intuition.

Not Mr. Pink. Mr. Pink had a mouthful of compliments and has taken me on my best first dates so far. I have never had so much fun and so much in common with someone within the first couple of dates. As a matter of fact, every time I have hung out with him has pretty much been a blast. We both have the same sense of humor, interest and (I thought) the same values. After the third date we were making mixed CDs for each other. He even put hearts in the title. I’m not going to lie, I was pretty smitten.

For the first time ever I was having so much fun with someone that I wasn’t the least bit concerned about where it was going. No pressure, no questions asked. I figured that he called and showed up when he’s supposed to, so why even worry about it? Not only that, he also pretty much had my entire month of October planned out with dates and concerts. We’d be out on dates and he would tell people that we were with that I wasn’t available for dates that he hadn’t even planned with me yet. Not to mention he was always telling me how funny, wonderful, smart, interesting, “OMG we have so much in common…” ect… blah, blah, blah. He told me on our second date that he was going to propose right then and there because I asked him if he knew of an obscure singer that he was really into. He was clearly joking then and at that point I probably should have known then that he wasn’t sincere about anything else that he said. There were a couple of conversations along the line that we had in which both of us said that we weren’t each other’s boyfriend/girlfriend. In these conversations I told him not to worry about it, because I was cool with the way things were.

Thanksgiving is a huge holiday for my family. We’re not originally from Ohio so we never have the colossal family get-togethers that all of my friends have at Christmas time. But Thanksgiving my mom’s sister from Rhode Island brings her whole family to town. It’s pretty amazing. My cousins are all incredibly hilarious and it is quite the party. All of us pranksters, we usually have stories to talk about for months after the event. Mr. Pink’s entire family was out of town. Me, not liking anyone to be alone during the holidays, invited him along.

Two weeks before Thanksgiving we went out to a concert and end up talking into the wee hours of the morning about faith and religion. It was a pretty intense conversation in which he told me that he liked me even more because of how I felt about the issue. I told him that I have a lot of faith, but hate religion. I have very strong feelings that people are not what they believe, what they say or what they intend —rather, I think people are what they do. Right before we went to sleep, he says to me “Come on now, what do two people who really care about each other say to each other before they go to sleep?”  Trust me, the thing he wanted me to say had been on the tip of my tongue for quite some time, but I couldn’t say it just because he was prompting me. All I could do was make a joke a respond by saying what two people that really care about say to each other before they go to bed is this: “Don’t shit the bed.”

We spent hours in bed the next day for the first time. While I couldn’t say it, I was definitely feeling it. I mean how could I not?

The following week he invites me to another concert with one of his friends. I am naturally super pumped, derr. However, when I show up, Mr. Pink is acting like he was surprised that I was there. His friend whom I had met a couple times was super sweet, all jokes and super hospitable. Mr. Pink was being a brat. He had a snide comment to say to everything that I said, went on and on to his friend about how they needed to get on planning their “sans-wives” summer trip, how he “hates to cuddle” (which is not-so-much-the-truth, I was laughing to death inside) and how he thinks his friend’s cousin is in love with him. A truly shit time. Back at my place later he gives me this “I know you want me to be your boyfriend, but there are several other dudes that would love to be with you” speech. It was pretty brutal. The guy who was trying to bully me into saying “I love you” the previous weekend was trying to offer me the consolation prize that other dudes probably will like me. It was wonderful, especially since – HE – had been the romantic aggressor throughout the entire time we had been dating —not me. I end up in tears at some point during which he tries to kiss me and tell me that he’s just really scared because he just got out of bad relationship… blah, blah, blah… The worst part about this whole fight is that I NEVER asked him to be my boyfriend nor any other kind of commitment. It was pretty ridiculous. Him: “I’m not your boyfriend” Me (Should have said): “Who the fuck asked you to be my boyfriend?”

So he sneaks out of my apartment in the morning while I am in the shower. (I know, classy). That really should have been it for Mr. Pink.

So me being the mature person I am, agree to be friends with him. I had a bunch of his stuff and had also created a website for his business as one of my class projects so our late night strife was clearly not the end of things. I told him if a friendship is what he wants, that’s what he’ll get. We hang out through December, finishing up his site and hang out. During this time he tries desperately to make out with me, of course drunk dials me one night telling me how much he misses me and can’t wait to see me and mucks up my facebook page with a post about how he can’t wait for our big date. Glorious. Exactly what I would do with a person that I just want to be friends with. Really??? Was he really allowed to do this? It was pretty much torture.

So two days before my thirtieth birthday party that my friends were throwing me, we go see one of my friend’s bands play. That night he’s playing songs on my iPod telling me that one of the songs would be ‘our song’, he starts sentences with “When we are married….”, fills my head with plans to vacation in Nashville and tells me that it’s too bad it’s a school night because we can’t cuddle. I rolled my eyes at all of this. Question for you fellas out there: Is it really considered appropriate for dudes to talk to a girl about when they get married if they only want a friendship from them? At the end of the night we talk for an hour about how he really likes me and he’s waiting to figure some other shit out, but that I really needed to know that he has deep feelings for me, etc… he gets me to admit that I, of course, still have feelings for him.

He tells me that he’ll try to make it to my party, but he has his daughter that day and his brother was coming in to town. Silly me bought it. He text me right before things get started that he probably won’t be able to get away, but will try. Great, I’ll hold my fucking breath.

He, of course, doesn’t show.

He calls the next day with some lavish excuse about how all his nieces and nephews showed up at his house.

I never called him back.

It’s been a week and I haven’t heard from him. He must really like me. Maybe he’s busy making vacation plans for us. Maybe he’s busy eating babies and stealing their souls.

Maybe this isn’t such a good time to quit smoking. I just thought you should know.

Other business includes my smoking history, but I’ll get to it another day.

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