Really? I’m doing this?

So last week I turned thirty. The event was so amazing (due to the glorious celebrations and commemorations of several of my friends and family) and horrifying (due to the realization of OMG, so this is it, right?).  The latter kind of hit me like a brick, despite how incredible the festivities have been. (Seriously, we “do it up”.) I am the last of my five best friends to turn thirty and of all the celebrations this year, I never really understood the anxiety about turning the big 3-0. Age is just a number, right? It is, but for some reason in the last eight days since my birthday I have really began to take stock of my three decades on this earth. I have had a pretty amazing life, a pretty fantastic year at that, I have the best group of friends that anyone could ask for and have a great family. In short: complaining about what I don’t have would make me a spoiled brat. Nonetheless, I can’t help but hear the Talking Head’s Once In a Lifetime: “Where is my beautiful car? Where is my beautiful wife?”

I have a car and I think I’d be much better suited for a husband, but you get the gist.

So I have decided that I’m probably going to have live a little bit longer. Apparently am a little slower than my friends. So I have decided to quit smoking. For 365 days. And I’m taking all of you with me. It’ll be quite the experiment.

In all of the times I have quit smoking, the hardest part has not been the first couple of days, drinking without smoking, my coffee without cigarettes, other people smoking around me or even those I’m gonna eff-some-body-up moments of stress. For me it was the finality of it all. You mean to tell me that I can NEVER smoke again??? It’s so final, so sad. Tragic, really. I’ve tried the part-time, I only smoke when I drink, way to approach my filthy habit, but it never works. No matter how many times I have lied straight to someone’s face about it, I am a full timer. I smoke a lot. Too much. It’s criminal.

So the idea is this: As of January 17th, 2010 I will not smoke for 365 days. And after I go 365 days without, I will reward myself by smoking as many cigarettes to make my heart content. The thought is that come January 17th, 2011, I will not want them anymore.

Today, December 23rd, I have 25 days left with my cigarettes. Let’s start prepping.


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December 2009
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